I know I haven't really used my blog as an emotional dumping ground the way a lot of people I know have done with their blogs. But I'm making an exception today and therefore decided to shout out an "achtung!" right at the very start so that you are clear on the content that's coming up and can flee right away if this kind of thing induces any kind of inflammation, watering of eyes or other allergic reactions in you.
The only reason I'm doing this is to clear out my head and because even I think my friends need a break from listening to my small-big issues when I know for a fact that a lot of them have plenty of their own to sort out! I still want to take a moment here to tell my friends that you (you all know who you are) are all stars and are an incredible source of respite and joy. I know that my friends know how much I love them for it but I'm not sure they know just how proud I am of them.
There is something about the twenties that makes it such a tough period to go through. I, for one, think that it is all the things that I was not able to forsee about life at this age that makes it abstruse. For example, what I did not know while growing up is that when you reach your twenties, everybody around you (who is not in their twenties) assumes that they have a right to size you up and not even be discreet about it. I don't know if this happens with most twenty and odd year olds or if I have an exceptionally raw deal on my hands here- but I find that in any social situation, questions that were earlier considered too personal to be asked by mere acquaintances can now be asked of you by total strangers. Whatever happened to discussing the weather, politics and cricket! On one fateful day, they get replaced by work, marriage and fitness and you will need to have ready convincing answers to questions pertaining to these topics to save yourself the misery of listening to clichés carelessly passed off as advice.
Then comes the tougher part- in that critical change that takes you from being a dependent in the governement records to a productive tax payer, there are whole new dimensions to your personality that develop, which make you feel like a stranger in your own skin at times. And when it comes to such changes from within, it takes a while to understand and accept that you may have the most wonderful entourage- and I'm using the word in the Facebook sense- but there isn't really anyone else but you who can help you deal with it.
I do not mean to paint a melancholic picture of what is universally acknowledged to be the most magical part of the average person's life. God knows, I have always longed for the kind of independence I now enjoy. And the changes and responsibilities that initially seem daunting begin to look exciting on getting used to them. But then there are times when I realise just how significant an impact some of the decisions I take now can have on the way the rest of my life shapes up- and it is at such times that I cave into the pressure and get into melodrama-mode because I do not know if I am able to judge the consequences of my decision well enough. It also seems like it is just us girls who feel the compelling need to express how hard this can be- the guys seem to handle it rather well- but then I know they have their moments too, they just occur less often and can be made to snap out of it more easily, which, of course is a marvelous thing. But there are times when I really wonder if the kind of decisions we need to deliberate over and a greater burden of social conformity makes this harder for women. I don't think there's just one correct answer to that question.
I have begun to digress now. Since this post was for my benefit just as I had mentioned earlier, it seems like it has served its purpose and now would be a good time to end it- also Alanis Morissette is playing on my playlist and like she says "And what it all boils down to/ Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet".
